


For your eyes only

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Jeremy cries the majority of this oneshot, Just some Jeremy being sad, Listen to if I could fly by one direction or I’ll steal your kneecaps, M/M, Mr. Heere is trying his best, Rich wants to help the best he can, enjoy, hes traumatized yall, i didn’t really need to write this but I did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22670194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For your eyes only, I show you my heartFor when you’re lonely, and forget who you areI’m missing half of me, when we’re apartNow you know me,For your eyes only."I trust you. And I've shown you parts of me I'd never show anyone else; the vulnerable parts- the shattered ones, that haven't been seen in years. Everything I've ever told you, or showed you, is because I trust you. The Squip doesn't define you, and neither do your past actions. It's the you now, that does. It's your actions going forward."
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Jeremy Heere
Kudos: 25





	For your eyes only

**Author's Note:**

> :O

"Jeremy?" Rich knocked softly on the bedroom door, biting his lip. What sounded like a quiet sob was all he could make out, as He turned to look up at Jeremy's Dad. He'd been called over because something was wrong. Jeremy hadn't texted him all day, so that above anything else was an indicator that something was off. 

"He's been at it for hours. I'd go in there and try to help, but..." Mr. Heere rubbed the back of his neck, looking towards a picture on the wall- the old family portrait that Jeremy keeps a copy of on his dresser. "He's always been a mama's boy. Leah was the only one who could comfort him, and I highly doubt he'd want me in there anyway."

"Then what makes you think he'll want to see me?"

"Because you understand what he's going through. I never have, and never will. I'm not good at explaining things, Richard, but I think you can help. He won't go to therapy and he needs to talk to someone. Plus, he loves you. I think that matters the most in this situation."

Rich bit his lip, hand hesitating over the doorknob. He doesn't know how this is going to go- but he can't just walk out and leave Mr. Heere or Jeremy, especially not when he's crying.

His brother also took the truck, so it's not like he can get home. And Jeremy needs him, despite everything running through his head telling him to abandon this, and go running out and never look back. That's something he would do while squipped, though.

He's not that person anymore.

Taking a deep breath, he turned the doorknob and slowly ventured in. Jeremy's room was dark, the blinds shut. The only light was coming from a blue lava lamp, on the far side of the room. Jeremy's rearranged his room since the last time he was here.

Shutting the door behind him, he cautiously walked to the bed. "Jeremy? Your dad sent me in. I know something's wrong, and I'm here to talk about it or whatever you want to do. I'm here for you if something's wrong." He sat down on the edge of the bed, his fingers drumming against his knee as he grew used to the dim light. Jeremy was quiet for a few moments, before pushing the blankets away, sitting up and coughing.

His hair was wild, going in different directions as some strands stuck to his wet cheeks. His eyes, usually sparkling with gentle excitement, were empty and dull. The only emotion Rich could see was PAIN, because he knows what that looks like. He's seen own his reflection far too many times.

"No shit, something's wrong. Just leave me alone, you don't need to deal with me just being wimpy because I can't handle the stupid voice in my head." He rasped, angrily wiping his face with his hand, before trying to pull the blanket closer. The glasses on his face went flying, as Rich watched them for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Jeremy.

"Hey, hey. You aren't a wimp, do you hear me? Listen." Rich pulled the blanket away, glaring at Jeremy in the dim light. "The squip is bothering you, right? But it isn't your fault and you're allowed to be hurt. It's ABUSIVE, you're allowed to cry and have bad days. You're human, it's normal." His voice softened, as he leaned closer and carefully reached up, wiping a tear from Jeremy's cheek.

Jeremy stiffened, and Rich watched as the other boy's lip started to tremble, as he grabbed hold of the sheets.

"I know. I know that. And I know I need to talk to somebody, or something, but I can't because I feel so defenseless and scared and weak, like they're going to judge me and I can't handle that. I can't, and I can't even let my guard down around you but I just did and I'm so scared you're going to run from me, and I hope above anything else in the world that you don't. I know we're dating and that I should be able to trust you but I'm just so scared. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Everything has changed, everything is wrong, and I just want things to go back to what they used to be before I fucked everything up with myself but I can't. And the squip knows that." The second he finished talking, Rich moved closer to him on the bed and attempted to pull him into a hug. Jeremy was frozen in place for a few moments, before crumpling and just collapsing onto Rich and starting to sob.

"I know. I understand everything." Rich whispered, starting to run his hand up Jeremy's back. "You can show me whatever you want. Whether it's a bad day, or you just need comfort, I'm here. Because I know what it feels like, and I know what you've gone through. I have too. And I know what it feels like, but... God, I'm sorry, I suck at trying to talk." He cleared his throat, reaching up and starting to run his hand through Jeremy's hair, trying to figure out the next few words.

"I trust you. And I've shown you parts of me I'd never show anyone else; the vulnerable parts- the shattered ones, that haven't been seen in years. Everything I've ever told you, or showed you, is because I trust you. The Squip doesn't define you, and neither do your past actions. It's the you now, that does. It's your actions going forward."

Jeremy sniffed, sitting up and wiping his eyes as his other hand went to his hair, tugging on it slightly. "It's just...god, Rich. So much has changed, and I'm so scared. My anxiety was bad before, but now I can't even go a few minutes without worrying about anything. And I don't know how I'm even saying this to you, because I always held back my emotions around the people I cared about because I didn't want them leaving. It happened anyway, my mom left and I ditched Michael all on my own because I'm a terrible person who fucked up every relationship I had."

"No. No, you're not. You are far from terrible, Jeremy Heere. You are a kid, just like me, who thought he had no other option. You took the only way out that you knew how. You're far from terrible." Rich grabbed hold of Jeremy's hands, squeezing them lightly. "You made mistakes. God knows I did too, but you didn't intend to hurt people. You just wanted to be seen and to have someone willing to listen to you, the person you hid at home, the person you hid from Michael, and eventually, the person the squip tried to hide. You were abused, by the squip and by me. And if you can forgive me for treating you like I did, shouldn't you forgive yourself?"

Jeremy went silent, exhaling shakily as the wind from outside whistled softly.

"I guess."

"No guessing. You deserve to be at peace with yourself. And I want you to know that you are an important person, not whatever the Pill is telling you. You're my closest friend, my partner, and the person I bear my broken pieces to. And I will always be here for you. I might never show this part of me in public, because this is for you. For your eyes only. I love you, EVERYTHING about you. Everything the squip tried to destroy. And I want you to love yourself too."

Jeremy opened his mouth, before closing it again and swallowing. "I'm trying. And I don't know if I'll ever get there, but thank you. Thank you for just being here, and being you. It's more than I ever could've asked for." He whispered, pushing the blankets to the side of the bed. "We're just crying messes all the time, aren't we?"

Rich nodded, words failing him at the moment Jeremy gave him a small smile. It's enough just knowing that he was able to make him feel better. Him and his jumbled, lisped words were able to make Jeremy feel better about himself- and that's all that matters. 

They hugged again, and this time Rich was able to tuck his head under Jeremy's chin as the taller boy embraced him gently. The steady beat of his heartbeat settled Rich's nerves, as he tried not to be sappy over when they synced.

"I think of you as the most important person in the universe, you know. You have so much to say, and I wish I could tell you how much you really mean to me." Jeremy mused a few moments later, breaking the peaceful silence.

"You do tell me, just not with words. And that's okay. We're okay, and we'll be okay."


End file.
